i saved all my weight watcher points for this alcohol
soo apparently i was out of money so i stayed in the bathroom for an hour-ish passing out paper towels for money..needless to say i got kicked out
She looks like Sash Grey but sounds like Fran Drescher. Advise.
Nothing says fuck you quite like putting your used condom in someones mailbox for them to find in the morning.
I woke up on the stairs at of a Disneyland hotel. Yes, my night was amazing.
I asked if he wants to help me spring forward at 2am on Sunday. He seems down.
it's my favorite when the couple downstairs are having sex so loud that i feel like I'm part of a threesome
second-hand sex is fun, isn't it?
I couldn't finish the episode and had to lay down because the snapple commercial with the mustache was blowing my mind
I can tell right now that knowing you will either be really fun or ruin my life
Let me be the vehicle for you to live out your slutty half-gay dreams.
I'm too drunk to explain this to you. It's too hard.
Have you ever hotboxed under your comforter? Best. Decision. Ever.
If my body were a person, it would be beating the shit out of me for what I did to it last night.
You know you have an interesting job when you go to work and have to Google search "How to get poop out of a dryer".
Holy shit he’s stupid hot! If you don’t hurry up and make a move my ovaries are going to march over there and introduce themselves
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