she was mad because i didn't remember our fuckaversary. fuck buddies are getting too demanding..
They just kept handing me shots and saying welcome to college
As the night goes on these shots are getting so much easier. My liver jst needed a warmup lap.
He was so drunk he was throwing the bowling balls into other lanes on purpose. He still beat my high score thought.
BTW I totally understand panda express being popular amongst the highs. I can feel the shrimp being slaughtered in my mouth. It's fantastic.
either i huffed spraypaint or ate out that makeup artist. you decide.
Drugs are gluten free tho, right?
I unknowingly motorboated my boyfriend's ex-gf last night. Yay me!
Please don't pee your pants in the cab. One more time, and im pretty sure the cab companies will refuse to pick you up anymore
God, please protect all woman from micro-penises
You owe me beer. On another note, I made out with the ups guy at work today ....
Is this like a preordered booty call?
This is an alert from the drunk police: you have reached the point of no return. Text messages past this point are illegible.
Do you know anything about how the saran wrap ended up on my toilet seat?
I JUST NEEDED TO TELL YOU I JUST FUCKED TWO BOYS IN THE SPAN OF LIKE THREE HOURS AND ONE OF THEM WAS MY SISTERS PROM DATE FROM HIGH SCHOOL IM LOWKEY BOTH PROUD AND ASHAMED
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