I saw those LARP guys in the street again. One is hot, the other looks like Corey Fieldman's retarded son.
The worse part is i sent a text at like three that said i was getting head... Now i have no idea who's mouth has been on my dick
Last night was proof dads should hug their daughters more
I knew it was gonna be a rough night when the guys next to us at Relay for Life started shot gunning beers and yelling "This ones for all the hot chicks that went bald because of cancer". It kinda went downhill from there....
You were basically naked. Just covered in pink duck tape and feathers. I'd have to say this is beyond the slutty mark..
She just kept saying "bless your heart" to him while he cried because he came so fast. I think a Texas woman was just what he needed
She just tricked me into telling her the balance of my 401k... She's like a gold digging jedi mind trick ninja
Denial and avoidance are my survival strategies for 2013.
Denial, avoidance and beer.
Someone sharpied "COCK HUNGRY" on my butt cheeks last night. When the fuck did I have my ass out?
Fuckin wine wasted last night. Found my pants in the toilet this morning.
Dude, you vomitted into a trashcan wearing your bear hands and high heels. Your drug dealer even said that was rough.
Literally, and I mean LITERALLY as in "not to be confused with a casual hyperbole", LITERALLY the day we broke up she slept with 3 different guys that night.
1) It's nice to see that the whole "English Major" thing is upping the quality of your rants 2) Have you considered that your dick was the cork holding her sluttiness in?
If I get really high and watch Beauty and The Beast on our Netflx account, will you judge me?
Only if you start before I get home!
i think i just naturally attract stoners
I thought it was your cat but I was wrong your Roomba is possessed by a pissed-off evil spirit.
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