I'm drinking while my friends build sand castles, now I know how my dad used to feel
DUDE DUDE I JUST GOT TH E BEST IDEA FOR A CHILDRENS BOOK "If You Give A Girl A Blow Job"
i keep walking around campus wondering if anyone is as stoned as i am
We've finally come to the understanding that as long as our conversation stays stricaly sexual, we get along.
I woke up naked this morning there was a baseball bat on the floor the bathroom door knob was removed and the floor was wet. This is why i don't do Tequila shots.
Apparently I was trying to convince him Springsteen has had buttsex. I ended the argument with "I bet he came from it too."
Oh my god I just remembered I bit a stripper last night.
She is the epitome of a puke & rally. She picked a random hott guy at the bar & made him pinky promise not to leave while she took a power nap. She went & passed out in her friends car & apparently puked just outside the bar. She stumbled in & found the randome guy again & claimed she was golden. Made it to the after party & stayed up til 6 doing body shots off every girl she saw & hooked up with the random from the bar. I love her life
He said I showed up in just my underwear and a bunch of towels I stole from the party I was at.
Welcome to stoned Saturday. Full of laser tag and beyonce and awesome
Mate, you pissed in my bed. Then told me to "Just keep swimming"
its not everyday you see batman on the ground with someone riverdancing on his face bourbon street never disappoints
he drank half a bottle of bushmills, stood up to pee over the side, pissed his pants, sat in the puddle on the deck, told me my life goals were stupid and impossible, and wouldn't leave until 5am. by the time I got up at 8 I had 4 texts and 2 fb messages from him. AND HE STILL THINKS IT WENT WELL
Pro tip: If you tell him that his dick looks like a muppet then you won't have to see him again.
he ended the message XOXO, who the fuck does he think he is GossipGirl.
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