I just sneezed everywhere.....everywhere. Now no one will talk to me.
Who do you think planted the wheat? Who do you think cleared the land and killed off the native inhabitants? Women?
ok, his religious views on facebook are madonna lyrics. we no longer have to wonder about his sexuality.
operation have a gay friend backfired
i told him i was sober and he walked away immediately.
he climbed up to our party on the 2nd floor balcony and then pulled a glass mug and a beer from his knapsack. these freshmen are intense
i'm not sure when it happened but apparently now it's topless bar night, im wearing a leotard and everyone is looking at me like i'm cheating.
The prescription for my birth control just blew away in the wind on my way back from the health center. It's like god wants me to get pregnant
critical mistake not lubing the nipples
Just rescued a super cute pair of Gucci heels off the sorority lawn on my way to work. Things are worth two paychecks. Fuck trust fund kids.
Go big or go home. i snuck in two beers in my bra. im here to win.
I feel like he better crank it up to level RG IV tomorrow. It's the fucking playoffs.
In order to see him, he made me facetime with his penis, which he had drawn a smile face on. Getting laid shouldn't be this difficult.
It's 2:10 am I am sprawled on the floor of the kitchen drunk and eating cold chicken wings come help
My purse is like an anchor I can't move I am sliding around like an over turned turtle send help
This floor is really dirty send a maid if you can
So I got a text from him saying "jacking off...thinking of you" I think I'm going to get a restraining order
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