some old guy just shit himself in my section. everyones leaving
He had personality for days, but cock for only minutes
hey, here's something you don't have worry about since you're a girl: finding crusty cum in your bellybutton.
Just dunked an oreo in a white russian. Trying to think of a better experience in my life and failing.
no.. I went home. Puking up hot dogs and lemon tart isn't as lovely as it sounds.
I am so getting Plan B when we get home. Not getting knocked up by a dude with a hair piece.
Come over, I want to eat cookie dough off your dick.
He was in Alberta for less than a week and is already banned from 6 bars. I fear for his general well-being over there.
My vagina is trying to run away to Boston without me.
Just had hot animal sex with the guy who had been sending me 10 second selfie snapchats for the past month
Easy. Go to walmart, buy a bag of charcoal. everyone gets a present and it's cheap.
He's gone. He left a note but all it says is "Dear Neil" followed by a drawing of a hand flipping the bird in the direction of a butt.
She turned off her phone alarm (which was the theme song to Star Wars) and then asked me if I wanted a blow job before she went...of course I am going to see her again.
We're at an agreement where I don't pry and she pretends blissful ignorance
There are twenty eight units in that building. There has to be at least one heterosexual in it. You can't have fucked your way through all of it.
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