i actually just woke up with a lampshade on my head. god damn cliches.
I don't want end up bound and gagged in the back of a van headed for rehab. Bound and gagged OK. Just not the rehab part.
You act like this is the first time I literally thought I was invisible.
She was indeed spoonfeeding you potato salad out of that giant bowl with a giant spoon. Dont feel special, she was giving it to everyone that left the bar.
He gave me an elaborately handwritten invite (on a bar coaster) back to his place and whispered in my ear 'i have ping pong'. And he said byob. fuck THAT.
There is nothing more embarrassing than your birth control alarm going off while in a meeting with your boss and they tell you to take it.
You just can't come from being "the girl who shit her pants."
I need to find out this kids work schedule. I need mustache rides on my lunchbreaks.
He's talking about me being Slave Princess Leia and how he'll chain me up. I don't have the heart to point out that he would be Jabba in that scenario...Is it bad that his lack of SW knowledge is destroying my lady boner?
Well he was mad because I chose tequila over him. He obviously doesn't understand that he will always be second to my first true love.
Nautical themed porn is also great bc someone usually wears a captains hat
remember when I lost my virginity and said I could see myself becoming a sex addict?? Well I'm pretty sure that time has come
Idk maybe I'll talk to him once he gets out of jail just to yell at him and get my strawberry ice cream back.
We did hand stuff while watching teenage mutant ninja turtles so I guess you could say it's getting serious
Had to claim I'd "gone lesbian" to get my cat back. Thank God I got away from that one.
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