i just overheard my mom tell my dad he should drink less so he could hit the right hole
So did the night end well for you?
I stole a traffic cone and drunk texted my sister because i couldn't think of any other girl to text
Just did a line with a monopoly bill. Tell me I'm not fancy.
her teeth should be alot whiter from all of those blowjobs she gives
I'm sitting in the middle of them on his bed, forcing them to watch Brokeback Mountain. I am the best cock blocker ever.
I feel like my vagina stays drunk longer than the rest of me. It's always super sensitive and hungry the day after drinking.
the two person party stopped when i realized that he tried to throw a hammer at my head.
i'd say i'm about at weeping-uncontrollably-in-a-puddle-of-my-own-tears-and-urine level
Oh I'm definitely going to hit on her, there's no question about that. What I meant by playing it cool is I'm not going to mount her on sight.
My neck is PURPLE. This is NOT a good day to be indoctrinated by the cardinal...
After this week, alcohol is mandatory.
I just remember banging him and then at some point I went and took a shower and went and laid in the closet
I told him you forbid me to sleep with him so he needs to accept that.
The gate guard just said to me, "I almost didn't recognize you in uniform. Welcome back." I think I need to lay off the booze.
Gotta love college... Pregamed for my 8:30 flight home this morning and gave the flight attendants all high fives when I got on the plane. Best ride of my life.
Randomize
