So I have to go swallow an entire zebra. Ur on ur own girl.
apparently i walked up to the counter, put $30 worth of snacks next to this girl, and went 'uhh i have no money'
I just almost got out my car and drop kicked this one chick over parking. Welcome to the first day of spring semester.
You could say the cab driver was less than excited when we called his personal cell phone at 4am for directions back to our hotel after having blacked out at the club
Did I send you an asleep facebook message about the upcoming football season titled 'BRILLIANT' at 4:45 this morning?
Didn't know what to wear so I ripped off my bed sheets and tied myself a toga. "a little hungover" is no way to describe me right now.
I told you he wasn't attractive.
Do you think I cared? I was wiping myself with a scarf..
My alarm clock on my phone was changed to Fat Bottom Girls over the weekend, and I just now noticed. I'm actually okay w that after Mardi Gras. Well done, random. Well done.
Just at the gym drinking. We call it treadmillcolada
My heart says buy the granny panties, but my vagina says don't throw in the towel yet.
HAPPY BIRTHDAY I ATE TOO MUCH OF AN EDIBLE AND TOLD MY BARISTA I LOVED HER
Riddle me this: How does one check in at the Marriott, but wake up at the W?
you woke up this morning in a laundry basket, only wearing rainboots.
All I can taste is Pickle Juice and Cocaine.
On the good side I got hit on by a cute college guy. But the bad side was having sex in a frat house for first time in 9 years
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