Whats contracted in vegas does not stay in vegas....
I believe that I finger-banged my way to the top of the corporate ladder.
Why do my orgasm prompt her to begin using babytalk EVERYTIME?!
he took off his pants and apologized in advance if I thought he was too small.
It's official. I'm a squirter. Wasn't a one time thing.
No exaggeration. At the gas station she handed me the mop from over the counter and told me that's my last drink of the night
You asked her to play "the coma game" with you while hooking up, and then passed out in her bed. She couldn't wake you up so she slept on the floor.
Looks like I won that one
I began mixing captain Morgan and jack daniels and called it captain jack sparrow. I puked. a lot.
Are you two whores ready for me to turn the light on so you can see what you came home with last night?
I like that you're Jewish, because you can rail me on Christmas Eve and it won't be weird.
We fucked on shrooms. It's like his dick was a beam of light and when I came I turned into a prism and my orgasms were made of rainbows.
Where'd you go last night?
Don't EVER let me photobomb a group of lesbians again. They made me their "straight mascot" and I ended up singing Donna summer tunes for beers at their apartment complex.
Seriously, it's 5am. STOP CREEPIN and START SLEEPIN!
I'm going to force her to break up with me this week. Tonight I plan to shit the bed. If that doesn't work I'm not sure what's next.
all I remember is them saying he had a big dick and the next thing I know I’m leaving with him
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