She smells like mac and cheese, right after you add the cheese. It's strangely erotic.
How did currency from Costa Rica make it's way into my wallet...?
I don't think he understands what an important role his penis plays in my level of self esteem
you asked the janitor if you could ride his floor cleaner.
He insisted on us having sex while watching the biggest loser and asked me if I could "resist the temptation".
I'm over this relationship. I'm just going to get drunk all day, wake up in a puddle of my own vomit again, and go on with my life
At the same time that I bought plan b I got some Girl Scout cookies too. It's not a total loss for you.
Hey my vagina is like a company. Everyone has an equal opportunity....
Clothes make me feel like a responsible adult and that's just not something I'm ready to handle.
I lost a shoe at the club last night, I think that's when I decided to go home.
Drunk me just left a note for sober me apologizing for all the fucking crumbs in our bed
If he's gonna send me dick pics; he should at least zoom in to make it look bigger.
I am going to paint butt plugs like little Christmas trees and give them as gifts.
You could paint cock rings as wreaths.
Perfect. I'll put on my party clothes and write emergency numbers on my arm
Hooked up with another cop last night. Think I am renaming my vagina "dispatch"
Randomize
