sometimes i wish i was able to text my cat and tell him i miss him and that i'm thinking about him
Don't get me started, it sucks when the one thing you have in common with a girl is not wanting penis inside you.
I just walked in on my dad looking at porn. is there protocol for this?
I'm watching Intervention to get pumped up for tonight
ASIANS HAVE SEX TOO!! I just watched it happen in the library.
She just looked at him and said "I'm gonna fuck that" and it totally worked.
I think I might be drunk enough to cut my own hair
Two things: Why did I wake up in a pool of blood? And am I still invited to the wedding?
No idea. And yes be here at 4
I feel like I deserve an award for facing my fear of penises in my face.
Your stories are the best. I feel like you're a spy among the heteros. It's not fair.
I really want some funfetti cake but I feel like its more socially acceptable to go out and drink
Ugh. I'm going to die alone, sister. Half-eaten by one of my thirty-seven cats and clutching a martini shaker
He made me cum via FaceTime, then he made me look at his stock investment charts..
Just paid for birth control in all ones do you think she is judging me?
Last night was a bad idea. I'm hungover and the contents of my purse smell like Korean BBQ.
Randomize
