I'm sorry I'm just not ready to become vampire yet
I just shaved my legs while pooping. classy or trashy?
talent.
pretty sure i had my hand down BOTH their pants at the same time at some point...
We left the bar, went to a sex shop, bought penis shotglasses, went back to the bar and insisted that the bartender used them.
I may be in pain from falling off the roof but getting to the morning roof keg was well worth it.
I'm still not a hundred percent.. I haven't shit anything solid in two days.. I have pulled my puker muscles and I can't take deep breaths cuz of other unidentified muscles/maybe heart attack
I'm sitting in front of a fan naked drinking Gatorade. Motherfucking hangover probs
Hey, ok if I kidnap you? I wanna test a theory.
There was no eligible dick at the ER. I'm pissed. Looks like "Searching for Strange at the Local Free Clinic" is a no go for the name of our first full length album. On the other hand, I got a dilaudid shot and I no longer feel like I have the worst bladder infection of my life.
it's pretty awkward texting you how much I want to suck your cock when I have my mom on speakerphone.
On my way
Doing laundry. My jeans from last night smell like chicken wings and motor oil.
I'm spring cleaning all of the fuck boys out of my life.
Serious question, on a scale of go for it to what the fuck are you thinking, what's me going to a monk or any religious official and saying "baptize me daddy" in a serious voice?
Pro tip: If you tell him that his dick looks like a muppet then you won't have to see him again.
Buying a new pipe this morning, and setting up career plans this afternoon. It's called balance
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