haha i think we're both just down to be fuck buddies..but i do have a hickey and a bit of a big lip and fucking burns on my knees..note to self hooking up on a golf course is NOT that exciting
She was raised with a wonderful home life. I can't do anything with that.
hey did i steal that bike before or after the ball dropped, casue i might have broken my resolution already
Did we fight the bathroom girl ? She just wanted to give us lotion and condoms.
My dad, when he got home and saw me loading a bowl in the living room: "We have TWO beautiful balconies to get high on and you pick the couch?!"
I just hope when I turn 21, it doesn't tank my entire semester.
I'll just save you what dignity you have left by letting what happened die with your lack of memory and/or liver.
She may be more beautiful than I am, but I bet she hasnt pissed in as many public places as me...
He stopped me in the middle of a blow job to call his grandma for her birthday.
At least he has family values.
Google Maps needs to have a hungover setting. That bitch talks too loud and all I want is breakfast tacos & a bloody fucking mary.
Text me later if you aren't dead and wanna have a drink later
I put the area codes from ludacris' "area codes" into our expensive data visualization software at work, it's been a productive day
My neighbour just came round to ask why we posted a spatula through his door at 3am. What do I tell him??
i have a strong feeling that today will be a naked day for me...i don't feel like doing shit
I may forget my underwear, but you can count on me for drugs and plan b
Randomize
