ashley and jimmy are about to have sex on degrassi.... EVERYONES GETTING LAID BUT ME
Not only did a random toaster end up in my house last night, it's also full of skittles.
we went through the mcdonalds drive through and you asked for a free sample of their fries to see how you liked them.
his penis is PERFECT
I want to put it in a shoebox and place cottonbls around it to protect it from any harm
or knit it little hat
I slept face down in the dirt because I wanted to go camping?
Just an FYI: The offer for you to come snow blow my driveway in return for sexual favors is still on the table
SITTING NEXT TO A CIRCUS PERFORMER AT PLANNED PARENTHOOD. THIS IS MY LIFE.
He ripped off my pantyhose and all I could think was, "oh no those were clinic-appropriate!" That's what I get for ditching a continuing education meeting to go hook up with my scuba instructor.
I want to have sex with Will Smith. I guess I have a thing with 90s sitcom stars. Stamos, Joey Lawrence, John Goodman.
Howd it go?
Well we had the "no we're not fucking on the porch" conversation but then we totally fucked on the porch. So I'd say alright.
girls shouldnt black out with american flag bandaids on their nips
This bitch goes out driving during the nor'easter to get her ass eaten.. that’s dedication
Shit. My boss is having me meet and greet with the new doc upstairs. Do you think his doctor powers will detect that I'm still high?
Do you remember what happened last night? All I could find we're phone numbers of strip clubs in Detroit. Did we go to Detroit?
what are you up to?
it's 8pm, i've already showered and gotten in bed. if you wanted to make plans u should have asked 3 months in advance
Randomize
