I just walked into a tree. I think it's time to go home.
no more stoned jack in the box. this is the third night in a row.
On a side note I can sing drakes “best I ever had” so good you’d think I was on degrassi.
You have to stop making references to your extense knowledge of 13 year old girl television programming for me to believe you aren’t homo. The Bravo line-up was one thing, but seriously
I just spread your mom's ashes with my new girlfriend. I wouldve waited for you to fly home but she was uncomfortable in the house with her remains there. I'll mail you the urn since u handpainted it.
YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND ALREADY!?! WTF WE JUST HAD HER FUNERAL 3 WEEKS AGO!!!!!!!!!!!!
you kept saying 'its nothing a six pack wont fix' as they loaded you into the ambulance.
So I told her I dislocated my shoulder and she said "well okay. I can either be on top or blow you."
Decisions, decisions.
i just declared my major based on how close the department building was to our apartment. laziness has been brought to a new level
No, but I woke up here and my pockets are full of raisins. Like 6 different pockets.
just watched my roommates get stoned and jury rig a pulley system to pass the bowl back and forth across the room.
At this point if I didn't go to work hungover I think the whole place would think something is wrong
Wanna hang out? my DILF had to dip out for his sons little league game
Made out with a chick in front of a girl I'm banging and successfully reDENNISed her within 9 hours
I'm the kind of girl who misses her mouth when trying to eat, do you honestly think I'm coordinated enough to wear heels during sex?
I'm getting 800 nuggets from McDonald's
sober me thinks like you do. drunk me needs sober me's advice. am i allowed to go to his house?
Randomize
