my computer doesn't work...
why?
i puked on it last night
You know you have a problem when you walk into your bathroom find kettle one in your shower and a note you wrote yourself when drunk that says "panties at jared leto's" on your counter
white trash or talent: driving, 1 hand on the wheel, 1 holding a cell phone & talking & smoking without using hands..in an old beater pickup..
Both
Sooo, drunk me had the sense of mind to write down everything that happened last night.....I bet you thought you'd get away with what you did to my parrot.
Pretty sure I just slept with Elmo.
Buying weed with grant money. God I love college. No other time are we presented with these opportunities.
If she doesn't judge me for bringing my vibrator in the tanning bed, I know she is a true friend.
You tried to get the Waffle House waitress to put a candle in your cheesy hash browns.
Why was I drunk tweeting incorrect Beyonce lyrics last night?
the only reason I'm still sleeping with him is to get the university's secure wifi password
stop falling asleep in the bathtub. you are not a movie star, you cannot die that way.
#tbt to when you let me put plastic wrap on your balls and hum a little song
I know I drink too much cuz "ssssjllapph peneinssesss" automatically comes up in my phone now.
I just discovered that jello shots are the best hangover cure
You said that last night when you did jello shots at 4am
If I hear that song one more time I will drive to hell and make John Lennon eat my ass.
Randomize
