I can't believe you made out with me with a french fry in your mouth.
This was all being yelled across a beer pong table as all important things should be discussed
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
Why is the word 'best' written on my chest?!!
Drunk on Tuesday. Double fisting. Mmmbop is playing. Only girl in the group. Life is complete.
Apparently, I showed up wrapped in caution tape and immediately jumped on the stripper pole and started making very sexual gestures at the birthday girl. We lasted ten minutes.
New wedding record, my shirt was off by 8pm!!!
You were riding my three year old's train yelling, 'I think I can, I think I can!!'
I thought I could.
dude throwing a golf cart off a pier is harder than it seems!
And is it bad that I haven't talked to guys who I haven't already dated? I feel like a recycle bin.
It was just...long. I started around 2. And I think i went to bed around 2. So 12 straight hours? I remember a milkshake and frozen grapes.
I'm sun burnt so instead of getting drunk and trying to sleep with you, how about we get naked and you scratch my body and rub lotion on me while I rub one out?
We need a kiddie pool and lots of cornstarch
I'm alone, 3 beers in, and cutting tshirts into belly tops.
Either my boss has an enormous dick or he’s hiding a can of tennis balls in his bike shorts
Maybe I will go to the company picnic
Randomize
