It's pouring out. I am cold, wet, and miserable.... Kind of reminds me of our sleepover last night.
I saw that some person on TFLN used a bag of wine as a pillow. I tried it last night. I forgot to close the spout. I woke up and thought my face had a period
You were telling me about how you were gonna marry him, have his children and name them all woodchip.
Girl in front of me has spent the class alternating between playing farmville and the tiffany's website looking at engagement rings. Every once in a while she holds her hand up to the screen.
She doesn't deserve the breathe the same air that we do.
She just bought a cow and we've moved on to looking at wedding dresses.
At least drunk you showered before switching sex partners last night.
He has a tattoo of a carebear. This is not happening.
Its 6 am and me and the girl in the next apartment have been taking turns puking and yelling "never agaaaain" thru the walls.
I show up hung over with mcdonalds. Why wouldn't he have sex with me? It's a fucking leap year...
I'm wearing a cape at the laundromat. I really can't say shit
Just let me take your liver out and beat it with a meat tenderizer for you..
He jizzed all over my ID badge. HR is gonna be pissed...
Don't let me publish my memoir unless "hurt my ankle drunk irish dancing" is at least the title of a chapter because that is really the whole story of my life.
I was informed this morning that I took all my clothes off and ran around the whole apartment complex. Being as they just moved in, welcome to the neighborhood.
I'm sober now, I ate a whole cantaloupe.
I’m doing tequila shots with lesbians. This isn’t how I planned my night but I’m not complaining
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