She just sent me a txt where every word ended in "zzz", with about a hundred "!!!" and called herself "juicezzz". I need back up.
do you believe in love at first sight?
awwwwww =)
yea.. so can i have your sisters number? thanks!
Oh please, I could turn a Vienna Boys Choir concert into a shit show
I just made princess spaghettios..and I wonder why she broke up with me for not being mature enough.
He just referred to himself as a sharp shooter. I had sex with that.
I woke up to the sound of gentle rain, only to realize I was laying under a urine trough in the men's restroom. Fuck you, bourbon. Fuck you.
Masturbated before I came into work and now the finger scanner won't clock me in. Fuck Valentines Day.
So I just sent my ex a video snap chat of me getting head from some Venezuelan hottie with the caption I still love you. Think she'll take me back?
Sorry was covered in semen when you texted me. Just walking back from the Harvard Club
All you needed to say was one of those sentences and the other would've been implied.
You're the second person to offer to fuck me in the bathroom at work. Idk whether I should feel honored, or if cvs is just a turn on.
Well, I wish you luck on finding out who your boyfriend is
I wanted to waterboard myself with beer, but no one would give me their shirt to do it.
I'm not saying i'm drunk
But i'm drunk.
Hmm should I take my nipple rings out before my sisters wedding/family vacation in Puerto Rico where I will be with my mother 24hrs a day for four days wearing a bathing suit seemingly the entire time? Or should I just risk it and not hug anyone.
Risk it. Keep the titties tough.
I’m going to give his broken heart CPR with my vagina
Randomize
