Tell LD happy birthday and party like it's $19.99
Recession joke.
woke up to find a pram in the balcony. first thing we did was look over the edge!
You know those ponds where you go and pay $5 and your guarranteed to catch a fish thats how i describe her
You told him you were auditioning guys for your new show: "So You Think You Can Fuck."
Best pick-up line ever!
He was making tequila spiked Arnold Palmers and murmuring things in Spanish.
I love foreign exchange students.
she's a dental assistant. she can get nitrous. kinda looks like a sloppy bucket of fuck. time to take one for the team. NEED SHOTS STAT!!
the welcome home hickey he left on my boob is really gunna put a damper on the rest of my thanksgiving hook up plans with the rest of my ex's
I will forever be haunted by the image of you hurrying to finish your Jimmy Johns sandwich in the Taco Bell drive thru so you could proceed to order $17 dollars worth of shitty Mexican food.
In the midst of you puking your guts out, you stopped, looked at the globe in front of you and whispered "America.."
Your lack of dedication to alcohol is forcing me to drink with my ex husband. U suck
I am disappointed by everyone's lack of ability to dance on a stripper pole:(
Two months ago an unknown man was in my bed and now he is my boyfriend and he has 1.6 million in the bank and he buys me things because I only have $4.35 in my bank account
It could happen to you too!
I need a costume
Dude just wear a bra or something hahaha
Safe to say we should stock up on nipple bandaids ladies
Why were you naked on your bathroom floor?
It was a "get entirely naked to take a shit" kind of blackout I think.
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