Condoms? Check. Glitter? Check. Fuck me pumps? Double check. Dignity? No where to be found. I'm about to homewreck the shit out of that dumb bitch.
I've been meaning to talk to you about your lack of self-respect these days and the toll it's taking on your vagina.
so I woke up this morning and on their fridge, the first item on the shopping list was my virginity.
I could tell by the way he was holding my hand that he really liked you
I like to think that tonight was Jesus punishing James Cameron for his role in popularizing "My Heart Will Go On."
First time on E and Chris took me to a petsmart during puppy day. I might die of pure awesomeness.
Correction... Drunk on winter break. There are no days of the week on break.
Got home to the hotel 3hrs ago per texts sent not in english to not a full phone number
These cutoffs are too tight but my ass looks like Freedom
And at the semi-adult age of 25 I have shit my pants. Not even drunk, just really late to work. Is this real life?
Far too many of our conversations end in us talking about sperm
Fireball goes down like mother's milk. Btw your housemate is naked
? I'm just sitting watching something borrowed alone, crying in my boxers , feel like I should probably do something
you woke me up at 1am last night high on cough syrup to tell me jay z was an idiot for cheating on beyonce
I found your birth control, it was in your Crown Royal bag.
And then I was like pick your blow job song and he choose the sonic the hedgehog theme song. If he's not the one no one is.
Randomize
