Saw shirtless man with angel wing tramp stamp seen biking in my neighborhood. Considering moving.
I just figured I'd let u know that you bought a yacht on ebay last night
tip of the day : never have sex with a full bladder. it WILL lead to complications and a very unhappy partner.
Alright this has to stop. Without adderall I don't even have the motivation to get laid. College has ruined me.
After we fucked he shhhh'd me and said your welcome
God forbid we drive unregistered mopeds without license plates on a pedestrians only sidewalk without goggles while flipping off passing cars.
I'm bringing vagina and cookies. You'll be fine.
I would of joined had I not blacked out last night and ran around naked breaking things till 4 am
We can stop fighting if you send me a picture of your dick standing at full attention wearing a sock.
I'll wait.
It can also be a hat.
I have to have sex on a bidet. I'm not sure what kind, but it's reason #4 for an Italian vacation!
At the funeral we'll say nice things, like "She was delightfully extreme, psychotically wonderful, and could probably drink all you fuckers under the table."
That's literally the perfect eulogy
I just want to order a very large pizza and get very drunk and very laid.
You thought her boot was a stray dog in your house..
Dude. So. Much. Sex. Find a girl in her 30s. Now.
Just found out a shooting happened in our parking lot while it was closed this morning. So thaaaaaaaaats fun.
Randomize