I was looking through my facebook friends list to see how many ppl on the list i've hooked up with, and was effectively reminded of my failed friendships, relationships, fuck budy-ships, friends with benefits, and "i cant remember if i ever did shit with him but we're awkward now" ships.
no, he's only a walking dick if he mans up. right about now he's just a walking transgender.
Her best guy friend really had a thing for her all along.... Now we're back together and he's gone Dawson's Creek with his away messages.
all we ever talk about is how much i like your dick or my drug problem.
What did you want me to do? You know I don't like fat people. I'm an asshole to them sober it only gets worse when I'm drunk
That doesn't make it okay! You tried kicking the girl's mom out where we were having the party at!
I just puked in a penis shaped cake pan. I've hit an all new low for a Tuesday.
that's what penises do
they tell lies.
I feel like i got beat with a pillowcase full of tequila shots.
someone wrote on his wall: "congrats on your engagement"
I think you may want to look into that...
there was a fucking fire juggler. but it was ok bc i was in the kiddie pool and it was the safe zone
We are getting high tomorrow and being statues at the cafeteria. Come find us.
Oh dude, thanks for giving me that liquor last night, except replace 'giving' with 'violently forcing'.
You had me at "mimosas" several texts ago.
I think you're my feminist conscience sometimes.
Rain drop, shock top, drinking can't stop stop
Randomize
