True love is taking a shit with the one you love in the bathroom with you.
I'm cleaning the house. And I can't stop listening to Enrique Iglesias. Am I gay?
I even have the new album if that helps you make a decision.
I just wnated to let you know that I laminated my history notes so i can study in the shower.
cutting back on calories before spring break by only taking shots instead of drinking actual drinks.
the diet of an alcoholic...
When she can manipulate the direction of her leg hair, you know its time to leave
slow down on the beer.. we don't need another pentabong projectile hot dog incident
how much ball-pain constitutes an emergency?
DONT LET HIM GET NAKED. JUST SAY NO
Are you setting a date to bone me?
Are you accepting?
I was behind him snuggling, I told him I was the big spoon and he told me I was too little it was more like he was wearing a backpack.
Buffalo PD walked in my bedroom this morning at 7 am. Was still blackout drunk, fully dressed, Steak Out wrapper on the floor, parking meter on the floor of the bar room. 'Both of your doors were wide open, wanted to make sure no one was robbing you.' Then I made a pass at her.
Come on kid, foreplay is elementary stuff. It's a vagina, not a sphinx.
I'm sorry I was just sleeping on the kitchen floor I'm too dead to think
Calm down I'm not kidnapping the bartender
idk how many shots you took between 2:39 and 3:05, but your message went from "Please text me tomorrow." to "Why you sto textom?"
Randomize
