I can't disclose who, but one time I called someone, they didn't pick up, and immediately texted back 'will call later, masturbating'
I thought that was really considerate
Good news! Whoever used this stall at Target earlier...not pregnant!
You went to the wrong car, tried to open the locked door, and started crying because you thought we were playing a mean trick. Then the owner came...
I have a deodorant stick dedicated to my balls.
we turned dreidel into a drinking game. i kept landing on gimel. im glad we have 7 more nights of this
i just found a cheeto on my floor and ate it. i might still be drunk.
i signed up to donate 10 dollars a month to help the children that are being displaced in columbia because of the drug wars.. i felt obligated
you came here, splled a bunch of margaritas, hung up a picture of yourself and then left
Sprained my ankle at sky zone REST ICE COMPRESSION ELEVATION AND SHOTS it'll all feel better soon
nothing like a walk of shame in front of a cnn news crew to start the morning off right
Think I just subconsciously wanted a cigarette and started sleep walking to Carl's.. Didn't realize what I was doing until I found myself in an elevator.
On the upside, no one went to the hospital! Lex's friend was definitely on fire at one point last night though because he tried to juggle tiki torches. He was shirtless this morning and smelled like a BBQ.
yeah she's crazy. she fought a possum in my alley because it was "being a cagey little cunt"
He unliked all of my pictures on instagram, I don't know whats worse, the fact that he did it or the fact that I noticed..
He showed up with a hearse full of beer and is currently shooting pumpkins with a flare gun. Who gives a shit if he's a furry. We need to party with him more often.
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