I have to tell you about my conversation with the cloud dragon!
She looks like Robin Williams dressed as a frog.
Why did you take off so early
No more beer. And also. Threesome. Maybe. Ill let you know.
I'm so high that a hulu ad convinced me to go on healthybaby.com
she wants me to text her or call her all the time when we are apart...this is not high school...
I would give up sex for lent, but I think Jesus would understand that I went too long without it to go back now.
its warm now so i can go back to sleeping with guys based on their fuckability rather than how much warmth they generate.
At least I got to make out with you a little before you proposed.
Just sucked some sandy dick on a boardwalk & now I'm at a family reunion hbu
On a unprofessional note, there's a new girl in photo.
That wasn't unprofessional. The fact that I'm going to fuck her is unprofessional.
Are you jealous of my sweatsuit? It's how I get men on Tinder.
He asked me to come stay with him so he could "see that ass and watch Harry Potter."
Sorry I crashed a riding mower into your garage door. No hard feelings??
I know this sounds fake but she's deep frying a bar of soap right now
Come fucking get her
she crawled a good forty meters just to whisper in my ear... "dildon't"
Randomize
