Cold hands, warm shart.
He kissed my cheek and I could smell it the whole way home like shit
Just had to explain to a senior manager why I had duct tape residue on my wrist and hand. This weekend was a success.
I'm pregaming before our pregaming dinner...with peanut butter and beer. I think I need to re-evaluate my budget...
Just the budget?
Do you think it would be a good idea to mention in my admissions essay that I was the guy that streaked across the soccer field last year?
we're about an hour out, how's the weather?
cloudy with a chance of strippers and cocaine, you're favorite. welcome home.
was it you or me who tried to make the, what appears to be, nacho cake in the oven?
he had a dikembe mutombo jersey on, was swatting peoples drinks out of their hand and wagging his finger in their face everytime he did it.
Good call on the strip club last night. Everytime i smell some flowery candle or air freshener I get transported back to having my face firmly planted in Riah and Desire's tits.
You're welcome.
She was moaning so loud as i walked out of the room her roommates gave me a standing ovation... i think they are next
i feel like i am made of mashed potatoes. i love cannabis pills so. fucking. much.
You did a body shot out of her belly button with a bendy straw.
Figured out how to triple bathroom speed at #lollapalooza.. Girl squats, guy 1 goes between her, guy 2 uses urinal. Your welcome.
So i woke up on a park bench... Using my shoe as a pillow, cuddling a empty handle of vodka... Yet I'm still in my living room. Someone please tell me why all my vodkas gone? I'll deal with the park bench situation at a later time.
Hey do u remember the time we used my mascara wand as a drink stirer?
Randomize
