I think I just got seasick
you're not on a boat
he has a waterbed.
not only are you not the girl i fell in love with, but from the looks of it, you ate her
drunk...on the white house tour...security is staring. this will not end well.
it'll be like the batcave but for manwhores
If you go to the bathroom don't ask why there's diet coke on the toilet. Loller copter. Blow is fun.
Wow. This hand sanitizer smells awesome. It's like I just gave a handjob to a fruit basket.
Of course I'm not above using aladdin and pot to get laid, this is america
He's writing a strongly worded email to Trojan right now
I TOLD YOU THE BARESKIN CONDOMS WEREN'T AS RELIABLE.
It's like my uterus was saying, "hey, you're not pregnant, but imagine if you were!"
BRING THE BAGELS
So apparently dinosaur erotica does, in fact, exist.
Beer and Reeses. dinner of champions
You can come over but I have to warn you that it is naked Sunday.
I just bought sparkling water with plan B. I am the most basic bitch to ever exist.
We were supposed to have sex but we had smoked so much neither of us wanted to move.
Randomize
