this is the second time this summer that a girl has called me a ken dol
you shouldn't let them see you without your pants on
Glitter + Penis = Best. Idea. Ever.
New moon trailer came on. Theater booed. I love these people.
fine. I googled it. you have to eat 5 to die so apparently I'm in the clear.
How creepy of a mustache can you grow by wednesday night?
Just puked up hair, tacos and vodka. Hello Memorial Day weekend.
We're walking, taxis are a waste of money that can be spent on alcohol.
I will accept it in the form of tooth necklace but if you have better ideas I am open to suggestions.
He's texting from midnight mass asking for nude pics. Baby Jesus is spinning in his manger as we speak
You ran into the tattoo shop screaming PIERCE MY TITIES
YO I WASNT TRYING TO MAKE A PASS AT YOU.... Or Jesus
There's no triumph quite like finally banging your high school boyfriend 6 years later
Wish me luck on my new penis adventure
So nothing to worry about, but i'm probly going to jail soon, just thought i should let you know so you didn't worry. Bye!
He was laying on a lawn chair, fell off onto his stomach and asked, "where'd the stars go?" That high.
Randomize
