He finally told me that he's married. I guess it doesn't really matter.
and then I told him he looked like the Gordon's Fisherman dude. I don't think he thought it was funny, because he 'forgot' to pay for my beer.
Everytime she would start slurring, she'd stop, hold up a finger, wait like 30 seconds, then try again. I love drunk people
but i am gonna have to have sex w/ him again to get my earrings back
Why do my orgasm prompt her to begin using babytalk EVERYTIME?!
Some chick in the back of my Psychologhy of Addictions class just did a line off her hand. She tried to make it look subtle.
I need to stop taking drags of other peoples cigarettes, it's such a tease. Like playing just the tip, you just can't
we were canoeing in the lake and i asked if he was too drunk for this, and he said "don't worry about it, i'm half native american"
What can I say, we hook up during the holidays.. We're a seasonal couple
I rode on his Vespa around Florence and fucked him in an empty train. It was like a way sluttier version of Lizzy McGuire
So after tonight I now have 6 Harry Potter movies left to get laid to. Before tonight it was 8. Fucking right
Let me tell you the story of bicurious george
It's a long story, but I accidentally peed on my dog. I'll tell you about it tomorrow, and we shall never tell my wife.
So I almost broadcasted the porn from my phone to the boardroom chrome cast
I'm hung over and my mom made me go to church. I feel like such a sinner.
I need an aspirin and some dignity.
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