"I want to just tie you up so you\'ll still be here like this when I get home." Actual words.
Why do girls get to wear clothes that say "do me now" but guys don't have that kind of option?
I mean, what would the male equivalent of a slutty dress be?
HE had a tribal tattoo tramp stamp, jasmine.
You never realize how many sex toys you have until you have to strategically hide them while moving out of your dorm.
shes still asleep dad put a lobster in her bathroom
So watch family guy till our brains melt and then bang till our bodies hurt?
I know you're asleep, but I just had a motherfucking epiphany.
It's fine. I wouldn't trust either of them to be my workplace drug buddy.
You know I'm dangerous when I have make-out withdrawals
Last thing I remember is whiskey shots. My roommate tells me we were there 15min before I decided to run home naked. And we live across from a police station.
Stocking up on Wasabi powder. Nobody's tampons are safe.
It was the needle in the haystack of teary, unpleasant handjobs.
how did you set a fucking salad on fire????????
Which president had the biggest dick?
Take your time, I'll wait
Woke up with a padlock locked onto my ear gauge and the first of many sticky note clues on my chest leading to the key.
Randomize
