I can no longer count the number of girls I've banged on my fingers and toes. It's like being born again.
She looks like an uncircumcised penis in a hat.
you dont seem to understand my overwhelming need to watch space jam right now
the arrest was probably divine intervention, cause i think we were heading to an ill-advised threesome.
He puked, did more shots, and then pissed in a drawer. We thought it was bad enough and all of a sudden...boom-clothes come off and he passes out with slippers and a styrofoam hat on and a guitar hero guitar in hand pretending he was slash.
Just put an ad on Craigslist for a fake groom... I'm sure only non creepy sane people will respond to it
so she gave me back a bag of clothing, had some boxers in it...they werent mine.... well that sums up 5 years of my life
You are cordially invited to an I'm not pregnant laser tag celebration tomorrow. booze is optional.
bitch i am allowed to be rude i just fought cold hard porcelain with my face
The hat, the beard, the hard posing - like who does he think he is?
A bag of dicks
That's dating life
Were you the one who yelled "FOR GLORYHOLE!" then punched a hole through my door?
Dude, he danced with the dog that some random chick was carrying at the bar. Then the dog jumped out of his arms and ran away. THAT definitely deserves a drink.
As you were leaving you yelled at the owners that the stairs weren't suitable for "intoxacapated" people and promptly fell down them.
So I WAS right.
Remind me to do laundry tomorrow so i have something decent to take off when i get laid.
yes that’s a photo of a horny gay donkey
Oh I know. I’ve known many horny gay donkeys in my time.
Randomize
