we're talking about where were going. or where we stand. but yeah we'll basically be doing it in the hallway so just ignore us
Dude I totally just watched a girl put a tampon soaked in vodka up her vag
I need new friends
Have u Seen that eharmony commercial where the guy goes " I don't know how I could love her anymore, but tomorrow I will'. Yeah that guy should kill himself
Selling Girl Scout Cookies outside bars for higher than retail value has got to be the most profitable idea. Ever.
See this is why people shouldn't jump into marriage. See what type of drunk you're engaged to first.
I was having trouble getting it up so she grabbed it and said "no, it's too big to fail"
Idk man, she was drunker than me and i was sitting there talking to a raccoon about it's broken leg.
On the upside I'm hairless from the waist down. On the downside, I just chemically burned my labia
You thanked me for a delicious cock and tacos...
Rough day
Good thing I've started drinking again
I woke up in a bush somewhere in Tucson with a full suit on. Great way to end my birthday.
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
I'm hammerd and his penis is still the size of a giraffe's neck
The night went downhill somewhere between the time I was triple fisting smirnoff and when I was throwing up in the yard in nothing but my bra while he talk to me about mashed potatoes
she bought my drinks all night, made me breakfast in the morning, and let me use her expensive hair products before i left. best one night stand ever.
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