It was like the Ritz Carlton of jails. I got introduced to our criminal system the right way.
I put the beer in my little red riding hood basket.
well i was about to unbutton his pants but then i realized they had an elastic waste-band, so no, that didnt happen
You are colorful like whore, yet adorable, like sad puppy. You need more drink.
I managed to lose everything but my socks.. which stayed on all 6 times we had sex.
She wasn't to happy when she went to put her shirt on and it was covered in cum I just looked at her and said collateral damage....
He just gave himself a boner while driving using "the power of his mind"
I told him we couldn't hang out because I had strep, he said he's had it once so he couldn't get it again. The sex isn't worth this level of stupidity
We just set the fire alarm off with a fog machine. What's my first instinct? Finish my drink. I think I handled that correctly.
Hey do you think you can sew an adult onsie with easy access if you know what I mean!!?? It must have bunny feet.
You almost set me on fire last night.
You probably deserved it.
I have a strong contender for the new number 1 position for fwb. He met me at the door with pizza and a shot of patron
the only thing she has in her apt so far is toilet paper and shot glasses. you can see where the priorities lie.
Have you ever thrown up in the middle of your hair appointment? Cause I have..
Gonna try and have sex in the empire state bldg, will tell you how it goes
Randomize
