forecast for tonight is alcohol, low standards and poor decisions.
how do you clear previous safari searches on an iPhone? i asked my brother to google something for me and "big penis" "empire chinese food" and "reverse cowgirl" popped up.
i found you on the dancefloor with your cell phone to your ear saying that you didn't like the music they played at the club so you were going to listen to your own
the only reason i invite her is so when the guys start to hit on her i know it's time to take their keys
Tried to eat a chip. Mouth wouldn't cooperate. Nearly died. Wow I've missed this.
We should hook up after this. Laugh or look horrified to say yes.
Dude, on the way home the cab driver asked why you didn't bring a guy home and referred to you as "one night stand girl"
HOLD ONTO YOUR PANTIES AND SAY GOODBYE TO THE REMAINDER OF YOUR INTEGRITY
Your fuck buddy is making you watch the OC. I think that counts as strings attached.
I felt like a personal hot pocket and all I could taste was cigarettes.
The fact that it neither of us came up with the reason of "it's morally and ethically wrong" speaks volumes about this relationship
I'm not allowed back because I may or may not have insulted his beer. And the entire Czech Republic.
Remember the time you puked your contact lens out?
I just used a coke ridden $20 bill to buy Girl Scout cookies
I texted him "my vagina is pounding for you"
I know, you made me proof read it.
Randomize
