Im wearin a dollar bill hat and tgkin a big girl home. Lifi is gmwnd
god I hate her. why can't she just fuck and leave like a normal slut.
I refuse to go to this wedding alone, or sober. Practice drunk-walking in heels and a Bridesmaid dress begins tonight.
So basically he tried to get out of the car and crawl on the highway with the broken leg because he didn't want to go to the hospital. It was not a good time...then we got pizza though.
Oh, I'm just lighting tennis balls and WD-40 on fire, what are YOUUU doing?!
I was short on money so I let my roommate mase me for $60
What about.....a game of twister and....wait..nevermind. I've hit my cap for sexualizing things today.
According to him, i kept saying "I'm belligerent as SHIT" and tried to run around the house in just my bra and underwear. Thats when they decided to carry me to the car and take me home.
He is like the "hometown sweetheart", but a huge freak. Like "I'll come change your flat tire"....but then fuck you like an animal in the back seat.
I'm sorry I peed on the bushes at your law firm. Is there anyway you could defend me for the ticket I'm about to get?
No dude, he just dipped his cigarette info ranch dressing and lit it. He's said he normally doesn't do that but it's Memorial Day.
Mark my words I will never date another cop again. I don't care if he's JESUS.
he accidentally put it in my ass, i liked it but didn't tell him that and "accidentally" took his weed.
And don't worry, I have a great track record of rallying after a casual midday blackout.
It's like the perfect sandwich, once you find it you want to ensure your future access to it.
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