I just punched cris angel in the balls. I have photos.
His fingers had 12 years of piano lessons behind them. my ex has been put to shame by a finger
i dont want to stoop that low. but my dick does.
Just saw him riding in a basket on the front of a bike trying to feed the other guy beer. He screamed 'PARTY BIKE BITCHES!' at me as they rode past.
I lied. He's hitting on a drag queen now. Should I rescue him or take pictures?
We need to get sombreros so I can give them to strippers.
Worst case scenario: I have VD and will die. That's the worst that could happen. As long as I'm around long enough to see the winner of bachelor pad, I'm cool
The other. Cat spoke to me and left. This shit is laced
The first cat might save me but they are taking out masks
Eye surgery went well. Just can't believe it took getting lasers through my eyes to temporarily stop the vivid sex dreams I was having
Now that makes it sound like you had sex with a guy in batman costume and you never took the mask off so you can't 100 percent be sure.
I look like shit btw. Like the joker from Batman.
I'm not sure how that's possible unless you put on face paint. Which I would respect.
Sorry for pissing on y'all's floor last night
Our night has progressed to doing coke off a laundry machine through a parking ticket
If that orgasm indicates how the rest of the year is going to go, I need to buy rain boots.
You kept saying “keke” over and over so I slapped you then you proceeded to ask if I loved you. In case you’re wondering why you have a black eye - Lauren
When are you getting back?
Well google maps doesn't have an estimated time for crawling... Could be days
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