We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
But he was like 75 and lives right near mom and dad. Not a threat at all.
I probably shouldn't have slept with him. I feel like that may have given him the wrong idea.
They seriously just ended our alcohol presentation by giving us beer cozies. I love college.
What part of i'm handcuffed to an oven do you not understand?
It's pitch dark except for the glow sticks, someone turned the heat up as high as it would go and the bathroom is flooded. Also think I just stepped on someone's face.
I can't even look at my running shoes. I swear I drank more in the last 2 days than the last 6 months combined
hey fuckhead. when i said not to grow shrooms in our apartment, that didn't mean "yea, sure. grow shrooms in our apartment"
At the ER, will you come pick me up... Had an allergic reaction, wanted to see if I could eat a peanut without dying... Do you how bad this is evolutionary, I would have died back in the days of survival of the fitest by now
He told me"I think your ready for this" and went into his closet whipped out a movie certiffied light saber.
I'm stuck in a tree and request your assistance ASAP
She's 90% sass and 10% boobs
I feel like the first time i have to use my accident insurance its going to be in some sex mishap with you.
Self care is breaking into nasa and launching yourself directly into the fucking void
The magnum condom fits. I feel like a manly version of cinderella
Ugh. I need to go to the store, but I'm too lazy. Whatever shall I do? That girls still passed out. I should steal her car
Randomize
