Don't bone anyone, just think of ur vibrator lol
HHaaaaaaaaa mmmmn vibrator
I just smelled my beer. It smells like coming home.
Just woke up. I have a "Detective Jacob Arnold's" business card in my pocket.
They sext over her pic comments. Role playing as wolves.
i have this gut feeling friday is going to be interesting.\nAnd by interesting I mean I feel like im going to get punched in the face by his girlfriend.
I mean he gave me an 'I owe you an orgasm' fist bump
You've gotta make sure the carpets match the drapes, though.
I am not dying my bush blue.
I've never been more scared for my virginity in my life. And I lost my virginity almost 6 years ago.
just when his roommates walked in, we were naked in the kitchen. proceeded to awkwardly pretzel walk back into his room to cover each other (not that they haven't seen me naked plenty of times) and continue to have glorious morning sex. his roomates love me.
don't worry about my dad. he just hates you because you're liberal, not because we're fucking.
So I can officially say that someone has licked whipped cream off my nipples. Go senior year
I mean seriously there comes a time when you just need to take a crap in peace. Until he figures that out he can stay the hell outta my place.
Question: When you have the names of 4 guys tattoo'd on you, how do you make the 5th one real special?
I dont pretend to understand how the heterosexual mind works. Its a mysterious cavern of stupidity and disgusting sexual acts.
Dude I just woke up naked on the floor with my dick in a boot. Legit in a fucking boot. I also have no idea where I am.
Randomize
