Who haven't you slept with?
No one comes to mind.
If I don't come home tonight, I've died in a pile of gay.
Dude michael jackson died, guess he's not 'stayin aliveee' any longer.
Uh dude that wasn't a michael jackson song it was the BGs
just found the deal breaker
hairy back?
he can't live within 1000 ft of a school
I convinced her last night that my actual nickname was "No Condom John"
I woke up in what appears to be a taco bell graveyard in my bed.
So they discontinued the hummer... Now people will have to go door to door to let others know they're assholes
Chasing shots by shotgunning beers is not a good idea.
I need the number of a restaurant that delivers, has lock-picking abilities, and is okay with full frontal male nudity. Entirely too hungover to get out of bed.
I'll wind up on his doorstep with a confused "oh you live here" expression, a feigned ankle injury and a seemingly fortunately placed bottle of tequila. I don't care what it takes: HIS MOUTH WILL BE ON MOUTH.
Cavemen vs astronauts. weapons to be determined. Who would win?
Dear female. Happy valentines day. If you have not had the pleasure of making love to me, please do not fret, I will get around to it soon enough. If you indeed have made love to me, then bravo, wasn't that grand! Perhaps we should do it again? Regardless, have a good day. This has been a public service announcement. Rock on.
Today is definitely a "stand over the toilet and pee through the opening at the bottom of my boxers" kind of day.
I guess the silver lining is that having a big dick really comes in handy when you're hungover.
It's a mixed blessing.
I can't name a single part of my body that isn't sore. Who says break up sex is bad sex?
it looks like a nuclear can of fuck blew up in here
Randomize
