remember facepaint boy? turns out it stains. aaaand i have it all over my face and neck.
There is a girl on the metro with no shoes and she's using a Crown Royal bag as a purse.
come help me. im curled up in the fetal position on the upper floor of the lib. please bring more caffeine or alcohol
its ok. its hell week the lib is a no judgment zone right now
You know me. im down for anything that could harm my well being. lets dress like dolphins so everyone will see what dicks they are.
My mom just invited me to come with them on their honeymoon to Mexico this summer. And I got a Bump-It in my stocking.
Pass the awkward sauce please.
I'm drowning in it here
you're trying to get a guy who's been in a coma for 2 weeks and who thought he was in '08 yesterday to drive you to the liquor store?
yeah, you wanna come?
Its not even real halloween yet. This extremely toxic yet briliant costume is going to kill me
I tried to find the bar, ended up at a car dealership. Then the alarms went off.
It is completely possible to eat beef jerky sexually.
I'm a drunk white girl and my ancestors were drunk white girls, if we apologized our species would be extinct.
Just learned a valuable lesson today. Don't open snap chats from 3 am the next morning while sitting next to a small child. They totally saw your dick.
Drunk wound on my leg hast healed and neither has my dignity
Tell me why I woke up outside of our hotel room Wearing a cowboy hat and boots in Las Vegas.
The oven caught fire. I put it out, but called the fire department just to make sure it was okay since the smoke wasn't going away
You just wanted to meet firemen
hey can you send me that pic of that dude?...if this isn't Rochelle's phone...can you please find and tell Rochelle to send me that picture of that dude?
Randomize
