So i had sex for a couple seconds last night
I didn't join FB to see my only child straddle that boy in all her pictures.
She dropped a weight class after every shot I took. I thought I was just drink something magical.
I don't really see how asking you not to cum on my face or hair makes me high maintenance
Just paid a $5 cover at a bar I stumbled by so I could puke in a toilet and not in public.
98% is good enough for me. Kinda like birth control. Worth the risk
Gravity stopped and i'm discussing Greek philosophy with two guys I don't know. There's someone asleep on me. We need to use their dealer.
THE PRUIS IN YOUR DRIVEWAY IS NOT YOURS
excuse me?
I accidentally borrowed your spare keys a while ago...i just tried them...that, my friend, is not your car.
I emailed the police apartment to apologize to the officer from last night. I practically threw a hissy fit because he wouldn't hug me.
It was "against protocol"
With great liquor, comes great irresponsibility. Remind me of this night tomorrow.
I'll just give him your contact info, and you'll somehow manage to get laid. Which will make me feel like your vagina's agent or something.
I seriously feel like I just crawled out from under a shit covered rock. I'm NEVER drinking like that again...well, not for alteast a solid 3 hours.
I just wish he would stop trying to bring his emotional baggage into our sexual relationship.
Your boobs are like a folk legend.
I wanna print it out and hang it on the fridge like parents do with good report cards.
oh the joys of a picture of a negative pregnancy test
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