I just accidently sent my poop smells like vodka to 27 people in my phone book
Princeton has an emergency contraception worldwide website. It is in moments like these that I love my university
upper decked the toilet at the restaurant that wouldn't let me pee there yesterday
just jacked off with my ROTC uniform on. boy i feel like an american.
It got a little outta hand when you wanted to do body shots on the table.. at Dennys.. at 4 AM.. with lemonade
you say it like running around in your thong wasted is a bad thing
You said that my dog would "complete your puzzle" then you got naked and took it behind the bar
Please come and rip my uterus out before it does it itself
Piñatas plus fireworks don't mix well
Do you remember doing synchronized hip thrusts to Michael Jackson? Probably one of my favorite parts of the night
Peanut butter fills the cracks of my heart
Because sadly the idea of me having a girlfriend is crazy enough to be an April fools prank
I woke up with the gnarliest cold/hangover combo
Thats what u get when u have butt ass naked rooftop sex at night in december
Worth it.
The Olympian is in my bed
You know you have a good math teacher when we're talkIng about mixture problems and no one gets it until he explains it by talking about mixing alcohol
Randomize
