girl you didnt miss much. except me passing out for 3 hours AT JOBBIE NOONER on some random's boat. i was topless, then completely naked. heard girls were throwing ice cubes at me. i was useless. remember nothing.
i just saw a girl w/ a shirt that said "im the single friend." yeah i bet u r. stop wearing shirts like that and that could change.
I have your camera. You have 35 naked pictures of me. you're welcome.
turkey basters and jungle juice, is that really the whole shopping list for new year's?
Just drove past the dude that came in your sock
You can't find true love with Budweiser and a futon
. Drop what your doing. Were going to Knoxville for midget wrestling. It's the championship.we can NOT miss this.
I started scrolling back in our texts looking for context and a picture of your dick rose like the Great Pumpkin in the middle of my screen.
Circle jerk is a real thing. It looks like five innocent virgins in a closet at my brother's bar mitzvah. Yeah, I walked in on that.
Can you find me some 'I threw up in my hair last night' medicine?
I want you to know that the guy who peed in your bed got fat.
My brother just text me asking if I was ready for the blowjob of my life.
He will be so fat that the winter can not penetrate his blubber.
Just because you are home alone for the weekend doesn't mean you can act like a nudist.
I accept your opinion but respectfully disagree. Also, I'm sitting in your chair.
He showed up in a Prius. I didn’t even wanna.... So I left.
Randomize
