i should go to a nude beach and wear just a condom, then ill have tan lines on my dick
you woke up, pulled a beer bottle out of your pants..took a drink and went back to sleep.
apparently it was the return of drunk burrito sex.
This guy needs to come out; I can feel him sucking my dick from across the room.
U can be a future sentaor's wife if you want. I'm happy with "closet lesbian", "tech prof".and "masters degree" all rolled into one. Drunken bar escapades pay off.
I was packing a bowl naked and her dog just stared at me with pure rage
In last nights drunken stupor i apparently purchased a luxury travel package for two to Australia. So uh...get a passport and clear your schedule for next month
I think the best part was the fact that the stripper's lock screen was a picture of the virgin mary
Sangria Flip Cup was probably one of our worse drunken decisions
I just want to eat Taco Bell and throw it up on his doorstep.
First day in a very long time I've done more pushups than bong rips
I have peed in a lot of sinks
As in, legitimately worried. You just sent me a 6 message long text that did not contain any complete words.
I woke up next to a Big Mac box.. And had no sheets or clothes on. The night was a success I think.
Have you had an orgasm with an n95 mask on yet? It was better than being choked.
Randomize
