So I just almost came on my own face I had to dodge it as it was flying by...that was a first
based on who turned up here tonight the whole evening should just be called "mistakes i made when i was fat"
Get your damn GED now that you are harvesting a child in her belly
What is a GED?
Thanks for getting me home last night.
No worries. I'll always be there for you, just like Mufasa.
I can't leave. She doesn't trust me and my penis being out in the world without supervision.
They woke me up at 4 in the morning screaming "drunk adventure time!" because they needed a sober chaperone. They made me walk them around the block shoeless.
As an added bonus, you will have a "25 blowjobs a month" voucher, expiring thirty days after the first initial bj.
I just found out that order of 30 Beefy 5-Layers last weekend has achieved legendary status among the Taco Bell employees. Is there a Stoner Achievement for that?
also karaoke with swedish 7yr old and drunk 50yr old = best idea ever
If I learned anything from that one time I saw the last 10 minutes of oprah when they talked about the secret, it is that you project what you receive back. I also have wine.
You know that you're in a bad spot when the doctor puts you on 500mg of amoxicillin 4 times a day for ten days and puts refills on it...
I wore his All-American medal during sex. I came in first that night.
Most of my life can be described like an HBO prison drama.
You've reached your one pic per night limit. To increase your limit, start conversations before 9 and submit your request for an additional pic before 10.
Drinking at 10 in the morning and swimming might not be the best idea I've ever had but it beats working
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