so, on facebook you can become a fan of butt sex, and also premarital sex, but not premarital butt sex, which is what I was aiming for.
Im at the hospital with monitors on and a giant green top hat. i blew a 24somethin. Im fucked.
She needs to learn she only fits into our friendship as a DD.
I went to a bar in my pajamas last night. I'll be there again tonight in a wolf costume.
This morning two of his housemate threw confetti over me, started singing and handed me a make shift trophy out of cereal boxes and beer cans that said 'Harry's Virginity' on it. Fucking brilliant!
Damn, it's been so long since I had sex I could use the cobwebs from my vagina to decorate for Halloween.
I'm riding shot gun after Shawn took a dump in a happy meal box because we were making record time.
Can I just put my face in your boobs and forget the world?
And don't worry, my exact words were "I can't believe a baby came outta that thing"
Who wrote "the chamber of secrets has been open, enemies of the heir beware" across my bathroom wall?
You called me last night and said you had a vision that a cat made you a sandwich. You were tripping way too hard
My ex-fiancee UPS-ed me a sixer of tall boys, and a fifth of bourbon for christmas, from halfway across the country. What does this mean?
he came during what was supposed to be the foreplay blowjob. there goes my evening.
He looks like Aladdin, and that's about all he's got going for him.
Ugh hungover at a laundromat is a terrible feeling. For some reason I keep getting sucked into staring at the clothes spinning around and around and it makes me want to profusely projectile vomit everywhere
Randomize
