i'm so hungover...i might vomit in a handbag instead of selling them
So i told my advisor i had to drop the class bc the prof said "supposably" and "irregardless" within the 1st 10 minutes of the 1st class; she agreed with me that dropping it was the best choice
having sex with him was like banging macgyver. he did the most amazing shit with the simplest things
I just made a friends list on fb of all the guys ive hooked up with. genius.
i went to a real vip club. the bathroom attendant was wiping down counters after girls wearing gucci did lines of coke on them. where did MY life go wrong
"Take a picture of me motorboating molly" was probably not my best career move
I want to say that being forced to stare at the 'no.1 boyfriend' collage behind his head ruined the sex but it just didn't.
The liquor store guy just accused me of buying alcohol of minors due to how many bottles I got. The guy should be used to this from me.
I could really do without pictures of your asses in my inbox. That said, I'm extremely jealous that I wasn't involved.
His 21st birthday is in the middle of shark week, it's meant to be.
You know being hammered seven days in a row can do serious damage to your liver.
Text me on Monday and make sure I'm still alive
Me and him getting it in is for special occasions only. Like Christmas and when they bring the McRib back.
Scary truckers and hobos. These are the men I attract
Mike showed up naked and in handcuffs. Again. Feel free to come over and laugh because I'm not helping this time.
I have 7 papers to write and I already bought gas station ice cream in my pjs and questioned whether or not a beer float was a thing.
How's the party?
I'm watching two people get flogged. Sothere's that.
Randomize
