its official now. im not pissing on secret service cars with a senators inside anymore.
She celebrated a negative pregnancy test by going out to Quizno's. I really don't understand her at all.
He drunk dialed T-Mobile at 3am and talked to them for 45 minutes and got his phone bill lowered from $80 to $60... Best drunk dial ever.
she went home with me because she said i reminded her of paul rudd. remind me to thank him for his awkwardness
Did I ever tell u about how my buddy fucked peter coors's daughter and made a tshirt that said I TAPPED THE ROCKIES with her picture on it?
So burnt out. Like weed hangover. And someone just fell through the ceiling outside of my class. How's your morning going?
Bonus points if the penis has a little hat too
Life for us students isn't all fun and drunken lesbian affairs you know
I'm sitting in my room naked waiting for him. When he gets here im going to make him do 20 pushups and lick my clit for a hour
He purred while eating me out. HE PURRED AND I LIKED IT.
Today is going to be the longest game of "was that a fart, or do I need to go wipe?" I have ever played. Maybe the most challenging too.
At least one of us had a weekend full of money and dick
Getting day drunk before work is perfectly acceptable when its 99 cent margaritas.
Your cousin just directly asked you for nudes
I JUST SENT A TOILET SELFIE TO THE WRONG PERSON.
Randomize
