he just found out his girl is having a boy. he's probably googling "Ed Hardy diapers" as we speak.
Pro tip: Don't start playing Bejeweled on Facebook while waiting for your Adderall to kick in. Unless you have the next 9 hours free.
Just TALKING to him is better than banging my bf, imagine what actual banging will be like.
Help. Me. He just whispered 'prepare yourself', & sprayed hairspray everywheres to make sure the 'air was crisp'
Your brother came in a girls mouth for the first time last night... Ah the tales told whilst buying minors beer.
Breakfast tacos?
YOU ARE A FOUNTAIN OF GREAT IDEAS
I find it worrying that she bit me in bed. Then proceeded to write her name in bite marks. All without ever losing the rhythm of our fucking.
It's official. I am the girl who threw up in the library. Hangovers and midterms do not mix.
They sat me on college avenue with a puke bucket and people were mistakenly throwing change in it. Got me enough money take a cab back to my apartment.
And I think your bro would be happy to know that when I took my bra off like 10lbs of confetti fell out. It was like my tits were celebrating being free
Thanks for the hickies, asshole. I make my living as a fitness instructor. It's gonna look reeeeeeal weird if I have to wear a scarf while teaching Zumba all week.
I imagine my service panda will provide sufficient protection. At the very least it will be an irresistible cuddly distraction while I make good my escape.
Should I go bust a nut on the beach
And two different second-graders said my make up was pretty. It's left over from last night bc I woke up 5 min before I was supposed to leave.
Did that sound smart? Cuz beneath the boozy exterior beats the heart of a fucking scientist.
Randomize
