he just flicked a booger into my mouth and shouted "goaaaal!"
My T9 text prediction thing keeps predicting every next word is going to be "midgets".
Ive created a fbook group called "threesome" and invited two girls. Im not going to say a word and just see what happens.
Level of drunkenness: just now when I sat down on the toilet, I had to double check to make sure I wasn't sitting on somebody's lap.
You're in a tuxedo, you can pee wherever you want.
I think she finds the idea of a naked fat man lying on the table and holding our butter offensive
Well I mean he is in a slightly seductive pose
Taking my underwear off at work was one of my better decisions this weekend
First sunburned tits of the season. And it's only April... I feel like it's going to be a good summer.
I peed my pants and am still dancing with guys at the club because I liked my outfit too much to change. Call the ratchet emergency
We need a shit load of segways right now
I woke up to a stripper (who added me on Facebook) messaging me reminding me to cancel my card if I can't find it
i sent him a nude and he responded 6 hours later
what did he say?
"oh m god,,, whow '!!!!nm"
By talk things out did he mean have passionate angry sex?
The REAL engagement ring is the jeweled butt plug.
His hair is as curly as mine. It was like watching me go down on myself.
Randomize
