The nice sales man at 711 gave me a handful of free lighters for buying a carton of cigarettes. I guess the depressed damsel in distress look works for me.
Oh, I made pasta salad in the throw up bowl. I hope you don't need that for the next few days.
Had to. She was getting married in 2 days & her vag was having a close out sale. You know I love a good bargain.
She said she'd heard about my nickname in high school. Apparently sledgehammer isn't as popular as you'd believe...
You know it is an interesting night when the 911 operator calls you
I remember him going "OH SHIT" when he saw you straddling me on the table. And it was like the best feeling ever.
She must've been waiting down the street cause after I said I specialized in inner-thigh-face-massage it couldn't have been 2 minutes until she was on my couch.
I just got the two most enjoyable things in life in one... Weed delivered in bubble wrap.
I saw him and didn't have sex with him. Responsibility five!
Today in French class my teacher was singing "what does the fox say" so i started answering in similar satanic ritual noises
Oh and Dustin informs me I'm a legend amongst the freshman, if you were wondering about my street cred
You just managed to turn Dr. Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
well we woke up in different beds than the ones we originally fell asleep in, you were butt naked, and your boyfriend was sleeping on a cot in the middle of the kitchen. that might be why he's mad.
Alright, I've had enough of this good girl shit. Tonight you either blackout or backout.
What use have I for dignity? It just get's in the way of the really fun stuff.
Randomize
