I woke up with my 26er down my pants and a peice of paper stuck to my forehead with gum that said "tell it to the greek goddess beside me"
The worse part is i sent a text at like three that said i was getting head... Now i have no idea who's mouth has been on my dick
he said no girl had ever swallowed his cum before
he probably also told you he thought u were pretty
funny how all you have to say is "i'm infertile" and boys are stoked on you
i woke up surrounded by junior mints. not to mention, there was a huge pyramid of natty cans baracading the door shut. this is why i can't drink alone.
third eye blind makes so much more sense now that i have a drug problem
what is the most politically correct way to ask if he still hangs out with the guy that has blue hair and make meth in his car?
Somebodaw call 311 postw fire bunso on vietena floorwnkd
Lmao. We just snorted some mystery powder uriah found packged up in my car, that i know has been in there almost a year... Its adventure time.
This hangover is so bad, we are pregaming Chinese food with pizza.
Fuck man, my Dad's been single so long I get him a year's sub to a porn site every year for for Father's Day
you know she was a bad idea when your mom offers to pay for an eHarmony account
You took motorboating me in public to a whole new level. You poured your beer down my top and LAPPED IT UP.
Dude in the stall next to me shitting and sobbing. Dude another stall over, "Come on bro, you gotta loosen up." This is why I don't shit in public.
i can't believe i helped you shave your back last night, and she still didn't sleep with you.
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