I just remembered we were doing butt clenching exercising with bar straws last night
I havent jerked off in so long, my dick literally prevented me from rolling over in my sleep this morning. new definition of painful?
Note to self: don't jizz on a surface cleaned with Tilex. It WILL turn purple.
I jerked him off and then punched him in the face for no reason. Typical evening drinking Sailor Jerry's.
We are going all out this weekend. My liver is already smiling.
His cuteness will no longer contol my vagina
Vaguely remember? You pushed George and two other fellas out the way to hug me, screamed gandalf before chugging your beer and smashing the bottle on the floor. I lolled.
Partying with them is like having your dick stapled to your left nostril
Spent fifteen minutes in the car thinking i was psychic before i realized the cd was not on shuffle
NO I WILL NOT SET YOU UP WITH MY TWIN WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU?!? JUST BECAUSE I WONT BLOW YOU DOESNT MEAN YOU CAN STALK HER AS A BACKUP PLAN YOU SPANISH BASTARD
Girl I'm contemplating picking up some adult diapers. That's how bad this is and it's only day 2.
Today will be the day I throw up in my backpack in the middle of class
Nothing is more confusing than dreaming about being chased by jets, then waking up with an erection.
Had a job interview today. Walked into the room and said "IT'S GO TIME, BITCHES".
The salt made it so good this margarita is touching my soul. I swear I'm not high BUT I want elote in a cup with the insides of a shrimp taco. I think that would make my life complete.
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