my goal in life is to wake up with my underwear on
I'm doing a half mile walk of shame carrying a trash bag and still very drunk. Save me. I feel like a refugee.
sexting on a treadmill. speed 9.0 beat that slut!
There's guys at my school running around throwing potatoes shouting "remember the famine." makes me proud to be Irish.
She was that classic mixture between "Hell no" and "Why the fuck not."
I just spiked the applesauce. Try to tell me again your party is better.
I'm hard boiling eggs, drinking rum, and talking to my 8 year old brother about the 10's times tables. This is what thursday is all about.
Every man needs a table where they can sit and reflect on the successful penile conquests of the day.
I came back and almost ran over two people passed out in my driveway I've never met before in my life
Moonshine marathon is never a good idea
His exact words were "Can I meet your vagina?" I kept wondering if he was going to try to shake hands with it...
I just looked down and realized I was walking around in briefs and a ninja turtle shirt; and for a second, I thought I was 8 again... Weird...
You 2012 self promised me that you would do LSD with me, and it's 2015 now. So.
Plus, I'm basically a doctor, so what could go wrong.
I pretended to be blind and he pretended to be my assistant and long story short, we had to buy that bra and panty set, and now we're both banned from Victoria's Secret AND I have a cum stained demi cup.
For the record you're a very classy lady and your love for and mastery of strap-ons is amazing. I would gladly marry you and father your offspring
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