Help i just walked in on mom blowing dad
Don't tits with veins remind you of road maps?
she just built a cabin out of hotdogs and cooked it in the microwave.
now she is shaking the plate and mumbling "this is what california must feel like"
Tim said I dropped my taco in a puddle and still ate it.
They're pole dancing on a handicap sign post.
Well I found you sipping ron diaz out of a child's dinosaur cup while sticking your fingers in the guy's fish tank and watching the "pirahnas" snap at your finger and laughing
Almost told my boss I was an expert aat swallowing when he questioned my ability to take excedrin,xanax, and a vitamin all at once. It was a medicinal gang bang lubricated by arizona tea.
exactly. I want him to have to live with the fact that he fucked me. I want him to look me in the eye and say "you were a drunken mistake".
I got laughed at by a homeless guy in a Daniel Boone hat. I have no clue what this means for my day
Just made a jeopardy bj game. Every question has 10-50 seconds on it and if he's right that's how many he gets.
The 12 year old son winked and made eyes at me while his father fed me vodka gummy bears. Gameday yo
You understand the drunkenness of my drunkenness
that almost beats the chick I saw smoking a joint while uni-cycling past my house at 4am. Almost.
i just got hit by a door and im the one that said im sorry, yeah im drunk.
Would you like to get a drink then hook up or reverse order I don't really care. Hopefully you can keep this between us.
Randomize
