New drinking game watching teenage mutant ninja turtles movie and drinking every time raphael says damn, someone says april or ms oneil, and shredder appears And every time we see a mustache
life is sad when you just turned 21 and youre doing late night rogaine runs...
Thats why you have fulfilling relationships with nice girls and i have kinky sex with crazies
I will start puting down the plastic for the vom in our love chamber. If you want to be something or someone else for the night feel free. The theme is shit show.
I'm there.
What did you give her? She's trying to tape her wrists so her hands don't fall off.
just found out I caught the bouquet at the wedding. I win for being the drunkest yet most functional bridesmaid.
Russians do not operate on the same level as the rest of us. hoping I wake up tomorrow
I didn't notice because vodka
Everyone was in jail by 10:30. I'd say it was a successful bachelor party.
When you're not at your house I assumed you're somewhere having sex
Do you hit a new low in life when you have to carry around a puke bag in your purse when you're hungover?
Serious concern: will TSA confiscate my bondage rope?
How the hell do you misplace a bag of tacos in a closet?
For future reference: When the bouncer is approaching you to remove you from his bar, you don't respond by taking off your pants.
It’s a prereq for med school, so I hope the professor likes blow jobs
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