So it's 10:55am and I just woke up on the floor in the hallway on the4th floor. There should probably be no moredrinking competetions.
I am pretty sure he just licked my hand while trying to sing goo goo dolls iris to me. Get me out of this state.
the sex was "jacking off to playboy" bad.
There's a hand-carved wooden bong in my backpack, and i really wish i could remember last night now.
im gonna make a bucket list just so i can cross off "underwater blowjob"
Just puked up hair, tacos and vodka. Hello Memorial Day weekend.
Man, just talk to her friend and help me out. Otherwise we go home alone
I'd rather jerk off with a hand full of bumble bees then talk to her
come onnn, where's your sense of adventure?!
I left it in that guy's dorm room.
Crap I still need to get you a wedding gift. I'm just gonna give you a bag full of cash, lube, and condoms. And I'll use furry handcuffs instead of ribbon to tie the gift bag handles together.
It could be worse. I was dumped by a guy in a kilt after he gave my shoes away on St. Patrick's Day.
The three yr old girl I nanny grabbed a pole just now and is chanting "this is my house"
Sounds like you at that dive bar last weekend
That's probably when I climbed a tree and told everyone I was an ornament
Xanax and cookies, it's good to be home
He was telling me about how he's leaving on his Mission next week... While we were having sex in the back of his car.
Im showing up stoned and in sweatpants. Because that is where im at in life right now. Sorry not sorry.
Randomize
