blowing a .13 at 10 AM isn't nearly as cool as I thought it would be.
Pretty much knew it was gonna be awful when the extra condoms she had from her ex were entirely too big for my dick
He told me the hand job I gave him this morning was "lovely".
i spent an hour trying to convince my psychiatrist that the fact that i showed up for my appointment drunk was progress, and she does not agree
I think i morst likely have 95 %patulas for hands and probably i also went to eGypt with so manyfriends. We laids in the sarcaphoguses.
You sound pretty unsure about all of this.
nobody understands how my tooth became embedded in the ceiling last night.
they superglued a cigarette to my fingers...i think I need to quit smoking.
Guys with values who care about your personality don't cum on your back the 2nd time they you sleep with you.
You called me at 3 am and I rode my flat ass bike that I dug out of my garage in the dark to meet you at dunkin donuts for a 10 minute convo about your mother and you didn't drive me home.
you owe me a blunt and a bottle of moscato.
IM WAITING BITCH. ANSWER ME.
Batteries died. I don't care that you're studying for the bar. Come over. Bring the law books and study after. I'll even make coffee.
Worst walk of shame man. They had a fire drill at 7am, had to walk out of her all girl dorm wearing my Everday I'm Hustling sweater
He is so pussy whipped she has made him change his name to Toby
You're the second person to offer to fuck me in the bathroom at work. Idk whether I should feel honored, or if cvs is just a turn on.
The stripper told Tom to sort his life out
I have four things I would like to do over summer too... Problem is they're all roommates
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