She kept calling me her DD, which I assumed meant designated driver, so I was confused because I don't even have a car. Found out later it means designated dick. It's what her and her friends use as code for the guy they want to hook up with at the end of the night. I feel so used.
so my doctor just swabbed my throat, and he looked up in suprise when i had no gag reflex. yea, he just judged me.
oh no you fucking didn't eat my mac and cheese you cunt
What the hell did I do to get youtube to recommend a video for me called "how to increase your chances of getting pregnant"?
Blood drive hookups: you will probably faint during the sex, but at least you know neither of you has AIDS
My neighbor asked me to tell you to stop changing in front of their house. Do I even want to know?
He took a shot, then proceeded to puke into the bucket he was iceing his broken foot in
I knocked myself out momentarily last night when I fell and hit my head off of my jewelry box while trying to take his pants off... while he was passed out.
Now I'm obligated to stay and cuddle with her because the condom broke. Fuck.
Is it acceptable to have my intern get me pedialite and plan b?
It's a learning experience. She can add to her resume that she cured her bosses hangover and poor decisions
No judgement. Sometimes you gotta twerk on a legends face.
Fuck it, I'm going to make my own dick pic album since iOS 10 won't do it for me.
I have hobbies that aren't destroying myself and others...i can make hats.....
Also I will be receiving my own bra in the mail because I left it at his place, woops
Got everyone out of my house, somehow managed to put all my lawn furniture back, puked in my sink, and cleaned it up all while black out drunk before my parents came home. Successful night.
Randomize
