Oh just a soda. I'm "driving"
ParTy fuckkin suckkkks bro I gotta fid sum biTch 2 leT me fire sum loadz on her FACE!
?
Nah, but can you imagine if I were seriously like that?
rough night. sneezed a watermelon seed this morning and apparently I drunk dialed my boss for a ride home. twice.
getting caught by my parents in bed with another guy was way easier coming out than telling them over dinner like I had planned.
At the bar dressed as a taco. not a typo. Come down.
Just sold this kid "Magic Furry Apples". He is way to high to figure out they are just peaches.
At least he's a nutritious stoner...
It's a good cause. For your vagina.
Yea. Some girl set a laundry machine on fire. She's not getting married.
I think I'm leaving the streamers and balloons up from 4th of july till after he stops by. It'll be like the universe is celebrating his massive dick.
Why wake up next to a guy when you can wake up next to a bag of chips and not have to worry about what kind of std you might've caught
and then you two started interpretive dancing to Mozart
Wine is the only reason I'm making it in the real world
We had sex on his sofa while his friend cheered and threw bugles at us
THERE IS A DOG IN THE CLUB. I repeat a dog in the club. I might have laid down and petted it..I have no shame.
Drunk me made cabbage burritos at 1am after going to hustler hollywood.\nI bought socks. Lol
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