Charged a drink to your name last night. Thanks for the whiskey
Walking by Farrand Field is better than a porno right now.
i have yet to find a random guy that would make me want to do any position besides missionary, these are what normal people call "applying standards"
There are now half chewed girl scout cookies plastered to my windshield. Do you know anything about this?
your mom just called me and asked me why i'm not in jail with you right now.
Most violent shit of my life. New Years resolution of eating better is already kicking me in the face.
I made out with a guy because he was sitting on my coat...
Drinking vodka straight out of a beer bottle because I don't want to be judged. Not my best idea and not my worst.
For every drunk face picture you send me, I'm gonna send a wholesome family photo.
we left when one of the guys tried to stick himself with an IV that he found
she's just been through a whole lot lately. When the crazy starts leaking out we give her vodka and lock her in the room with all the pillows.
so that's what that room is for...
Doug will be the one to get my vagina. I don't know when or how but I'm now declaring that it is his. And he better not disappoint.
The hat, the beard, the hard posing - like who does he think he is?
A bag of dicks
That's dating life
bonus check + party bus = big hot mess
I can’t believe the first text I’m sending you from this phone was about how I just got fingered in a smart car on tin can hill
Randomize
