Hey. I found $5 in quarters from one of those state quarter collection books. I'm using it for food tomorrow.
until you tell me otherwise ill assume we're playing "cavity search" the homeland security game to spice up our sex life
answer the phone. i thought i was eating cheese but it was butter. i ate a lot of it.
I just scratched behind my ear and found icing. Fuck you.
Travelers Top-Tip: Europeans do not appreciate being repeatedly referred to as "gypsy" regardless of how good your Borat impression is.
So that'd what fifty dollars of chicken at 7/11 looks like. Made it to work on time. Puked twice. BOOM.
From scraping the remnants from a coke bag at a lingerie party to meeting with an 80 year old man to discuss civil rights all in under 12 hours bizarrely feels like the epitome of my life
I also point out to everyone that she looks like DJ's gf on Roseanne.
I went to the bar without a bra on pretty sure you can go to Taco Bell drive thru with no pants
Apparently drunk me thought it was a good idea to buy $100 worth of band aids and stick them all over everything in the apartment.
Was about to close the deal last night until he said he hadn't seen the Taylor Swift video. So I made him watch it before I let him have sex with me.
I woke up to a stripper (who added me on Facebook) messaging me reminding me to cancel my card if I can't find it
Oh man I wish I could've gotten a picture of how many anti-circumcision stickers are on this Prius
Life's hard when you can't differentiate between retrograde and PMS
We made a blanket fort in my dorm room and fucked in it. Twice. I'm in love.
Randomize
