You are the one person I know will appreciate this- and I'm aware that its nearly 5 am- but I have 3 words... G spot orgasm. BE JEALOUS
office poll is still running 100% that Spencer Pratt is more disturbing than David Carradine's death
just saw a girl throwing up in a taco bell nacho cantainor going 60 down the highway
you were on ground yelling about how close the floor was to your face.
love being home for thanksgiving just had grandma pick me up from the frat by her house
You should seriously consider super glueing your knees together
The power of my vagina can withstand any attempt of celibacy
I have yet found the courage to put pants on. No judgement thursday led to no shower friday and now no pants saturday. God i miss college.
You have dresses for different occasions. I need different men's dicks too. It's logic.
Dude, you need to man up. You passed out before a PRESEASON game. It's a long season.
I don't care how fucking drunk you are, you don't forget wanting to shove a wine bottle up someone's ass.
Thanks to a poorly written tweet a whole bunch of people thought I died last night.
Yes. We drank 3/4 of a handle of vodka, fried and ate a 3lb package of bacon, I tackled the neighbors snowman, made snow angels in our underwear, and then fucked all night. Christmas success.
I just remembered that last night I seriously contemplated swallowing the cap to my toothpaste
He wouldn't shut up so I started sending him pictures of animal dicks
I just want a simple guy who likes cats, tattoos, and doing coke off my tits.
Randomize
