Every time we have sex I can't stop thinking about Jesus
Grossest hangover story of 09: Puked in the bathtub. I was in it.
where am i from again
your brother is wearing shin guards in the swimming pool. i have a feeling that this happens often
He painted his chest for the game... I just fucked an exclamation point.
I feel the need to point out that one of the items on my to-do list for the day is "don't throw up" I have no concept of normal
Throwing up so forcefully that toilet water hits you in the face is not what the Pilgrims and Indians had in mind for this holiday
You leave me no choice. Your vagina is grounded. It can just sit there and think about what it's done.
I took Xanax and it did nothing to me. First sign I'm crazy and actually need it.
You straight up wore me out. This should be a proud moment for you. It's almost like my penis is asking for a timeout. But not really
alcohol and riverdancing are a dangerous mix. have a spraind ankle. i die now
It's five in the morning. wtf?
I had to reschedule my trainer meeting so now I'm just here eating hot pockets
Just ignore the penis. It's won't bother you. I promise.
Maybe if I ever do become a counselor, I would just implement a kind of intensive meme therapy.
This lady is talking to me and all I can think about is getting face fucked and doing cocaine. Not neccesarily together and not neccesarily in that order
Randomize
