Oh just a soda. I'm "driving"
you're the only person I know who would bring a water bottle of screwdriver to a wedding, and toast with it during the speech
This is breast cancer awareness month... The least we can do is give a stripper some singles.
you stumbled up the stairs in your heels, pulled 23 one-dollar bills out of your bra and then went and puked in the toilet. didnt say a single thing to me the whole time
Yea. I couldn't get a job in fast food but I can teach Americas youth. The future looks great
He's not messing around tonight. 4 fist pumps.
I told him we could use my stove to make weed brownies, from that point on he kept reffering to me as "best pledge ever"
Showed up to family party blacked out and in a turkey costume. I'd say thanksgiving was a success.
A guy just picked up ur brother and carfied him away singing and im slight concern
His name was toto. That should have been my red flag
I'm officially disproving the fact that a hoe never gets cold bc this hoe is COLD.
Wait wait wait. You are actually taking advice from this lunatic?
This is the girl who got a balloon full of cocaine through security no questions asked. Of course I'm taking her advice.
Valid.
Why are we so out going and care free I can't wait for maturity to kick in so we stop having 700 dollar bar tabs
Just stalked the girl I hooked up with last night's boyfriend. He seems nice, I approve.
After we fucked we sat in bed and watched Charlie St. Cloud and he fed me ice cream. It was probably the most romantic thing I've ever done.
Randomize