Just saw a man being put through a dui test on the side of the road... it was noon and he was on a bicycle. God bless texas.
Just so you know, I'm standing in my bra eating cereal. My keys were in the cereal box.
Going to bed. I have to wake up early and teach small children. And then have affairs with their fathers. I'm going to get deported.
I started to trust fall random people on the dance floor
Theres a handprint of sauce on my frig, one streaked across my face, a trail of it to my bedroom and sauce all in my bed and i have no idea what the fuck i ate.
If you were curious as to how many pounds of bagged marijuana can fit in the trunk of a 2010 Chevrolet Aveo, we now have the answer
I would compare it to a jeffrey but in smoothie form. More drugs in here than Bobby Brown's sock drawer.
You have to figure out where to put this turtle dude
some girl at the bar told me my beard would tickle every inch of her body till she joy puked her face off.... that was so random and odd i just had to buy her a drink for having the guts to say it to me. WTF
I just had to remind myself that I'm visible in real life. Sitting in the car in a parking lot, and almost took my shirt off because the tag is itchy and I wanted it off... and you know I don't wear bras...
I need to buy fuckboy repellant for whenever I think it's a good idea to meet boys I found in tinder
i was asked to be gay of honor by three different girls and NONE of the groomsmen at any of the weddings is open to experimenting. i mean whats the point then.
This is the perfect outfit to do ketamine in, I must say
he was the first penis i touched… i have to go to his shitty bands first gig, i mean come on now
He fucked me harder than I've ever been fucked before and afterwards he started crying and profusely apologizing to god and baby Jesus for his sin.
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