I wanna fuck padma even more now that she's preggers. Is that sick?
Yes but- 100% agreed
if every girl in minneapolis isn't pregnant when i get back to the cities i will cry
How come the only thing we can do right in our lives is drugs?
My teachers should feel privileged to see me this morning, after the amount of alcohol I consumed last night.
he said I was the best sex he's ever had, handed me a burger king crown and told me to take my walk of shame with pride
Thanks for putting the blue stuff in the toilet, it made me throwing up this morning more enjoyable.
If theres one good thing that came out of our relationship its this chicken recipe. And squirting.
so i may have indirectly taught my 13 year old campers how to give blowjobs.
We have sex, then we talk about foreign policy. Its a win-win.
I woke up in confetti... confetti and shame
things were going awesome until jimmy put out a cigarette in the everclear.
Current status: Finding an unwrapped portion of Subway sandwich in my purse at the pharmacy counter & picking pieces of tomato off my wallet while the pharmacist watches disdainfully.
Did you offer her some?
If only. Current status: Not that clever.
I have a cat for love and a booty call for sex. What else could I need?
Hypothetically speaking...if I was arrested in Wisconsin, say Kenosha county, would you post my bail all the way from Oregon? If yes, will you also accept my collect call in t-minus 13 hours?
I party with great urgency now.
Randomize
