Last night was a blur. All I remember is jizzing in the squeegee bucket at a gas station.
The look on the soccer mom's face was PRICELESS.
is the fantasy fufillment of sex in a hot tub worth the possible infection?
for halloween i should be pregnant. what is scarier than that?!
Retelling stories from our semester makes me realize we need to get tested for herpes.
He left me a five minute voicemail apologizing for chasing me with a meat beater. I'm actually not sure what that means.
I tried. Now my legs are bleeding and I cracked my head on the coffee table. Never taking your advice again.
They should have to wear some identification that warns you to stay away. Like one of those cones dogs wear to keep them from biting stitches. CONE OF SHAME.
When a girl says " I never would have come over if I knew I was getting kicked out at 7am." the correct response isn't "but think of how responsible you're being."
He straight up just had me drive all the way here and when I got here he was drinking a cup of tea and right after said he needed to go to bed
I wore wrist and ankle weights while we had sex. Does that count as working out?
there is a guy with a glowstick staff outside my house
He goes from zero to fucking up in 2.4 drinks. Like the sportscar of bad decision making.
So unmotivated today.
Who am I kidding. So unmotivated this decade.
Who am I kidding? With my track record, I'm going to end up sleeping at the strip club with just nipple tassels on.
So many questions so I’ll prioritize. How did I survive last night?
Randomize
