i jhust puked up my retainher.
On a scale from 0 to 24...wait, 3 to 24, where 6 is the lowest and 12 is the highest, how freaking high re you right now?
Her vagina should come with caution tape.
How are you going to be there by 9am?
Relax I always go to these conferences hung over
You say that like it's a positive quality
Went to my car this morning. Found a waffle from Waffle House in the front seat. No idea how it got there. So hung over I ate it.
Mom just apologized for her lack of a gag reflex not being genetic.
Explain to me how "cheap asian titties" is a complement?
Sometimes I wonder how different my life would be if I didn't share a weekly margarita with my mom since i was 12
I'm just gonna ignore the fact that I have no pants on and find a way home. A good one-nighter never goes back for his pants.
I feel like I got hit by a truck. Or a baby dinosaur. One of them ran over my body and then stuck me in a blender of fire and storm clouds
then this guy just runs in screaming, "cant you see my daughter pissed herself???!!!" and that was the start of my 2016.
I'm drunk listening and crying to Selena. How's your Monday?
I am in no place to make rational decisions, but right now i want you inside me
You asked me how red your eyes were... they were shut.
I just don't understand what you plan on accomplishing there except for losing all vestiges of post-freshman year dignity
Randomize
