Just took a beer bong out of snuffaluffagus's trunk. Your move
What kind of friend are you? You don't even blackout anymore.
i cant believe i hit a parked car with a pink dildo in my mouth... fuckin epic
He told me he finished so fast because he's a sprinter. I hate athletes who are really just pussies.
You disinfected one of his friends, buttered the jeans of the other one. And you poured every liquid you could reach on the floor, including cooking oil and green tea. It wasnt a great first impression
she just punched a dude and called him a peasant for not drinking fast enough in flip cup.
I found him with a guitar and his kitten in his room. He was singing a song he'd titled "you're a cat". Guess what most of the lyrics were...
seis de mayo is my least favoite holiday because i usually spend it in bed sobbing over my poor life decisions from the night before.
There is a special place in Hell for whichever one of you put Ben Gay on my dildo. It was a very uncomfortable April 1.
one more hour of this work bullshit and I'm off to get high with your cat.
I'm about to make existential crisis tacos.
You got stoned and bought $300 worth of pudding. Again! Why do YOU think she left you?
Why am I sleeping on top of the fridge?
You were playing hide and seek with the dog. she couldn't find you and you passed out.
I woke up naked and you weren't here. What a relief.
Despite how often it occurs, I have absolutely no interest in having sex with myself
Randomize
