I hate u. Im listening to lady gaga and all i can hear is boca base om om om ommmm
Even if you were sober, spitters are STILL quitters, end of story.
I swear to god I'm going to hunt down and stab the next telemarketer that calls from a blocked number while I'm waiting for my STD results...
make sure nobody uses the downstairs toilet. i like to have an unused toilet for the weekends. dont shit where you puke i always say.
I'd be a gr8 surrogate. I'm gonna love your fetus
nothing like smoking out of your roommate's bong with your mom to celebrate the rising of christ
he is risen halelujah
I doubt she'll sponsor it. You know alcohol and fireworks don't mix, right?
It's okay. We're not going to soak the fireworks in alcohol. The alcohol is for drinking.
Ran into his sister at the gym and hit it in the parking lot. I dont even feel like a bad friend she got a boob job and lost 20 lbs its not even the same sister
Did we pole dance in front of my boss last night or was it just me?
Apparently, the Mormons have taken over airports. I was told by a befuddled looking clerk I couldn't buy a beer with breakfast before 6am.
He was pretty bad, I wanted pizza the whole time.
Took an adderall for the first time in a few weeks. Spent 45 minutes peeling an orange TO PERFECTION.
Its because she suspects I'm a frequent drug user, which I am, but I am going to make her feel like she is crazy for believing it.
she was just meowing in the corner eating frozen chicken nuggets
Soooo you're telling me you support us groom's men giving lap dances to willing patrons?
Randomize
