ill give you a foot job if you come over before 4
I woke up to the sound of a beer can being opened. I love him already
I get credit on the assist, you can thank me by taking a pic of her ass under the covers and sending it to me. It would make my YEAR
My mom slipped a condom in my pocket along with a sticky note that said "be safe sweetie."
She was moaning so loud as i walked out of the room her roommates gave me a standing ovation... i think they are next
There where 3 half naked girls passed out on the pool table, I crawled under it and just as I was about to go to sleep some guy walks up and says: "dude nice spot" walks away and comes back with a pillow.
You having your own car has severely reduced the amount of blowjobs I get.
I'm so hungover I just peed on my hand and left it, didn't wash... Killin it in 2915
I successfully navigated a full, lengthy interaction with my dad in which he never asked me if I was freshly baked. 10 points.
The comfort of this onesie is keeping me single
Is kiddo a correct name to call someone who you stuck your dick in?
I did it again.
I drunk texted John McCain.
I am at a cat party and I just witnessed people lapping vodka out of a bowl for a contest. Lol
fell asleep while jerking off ln. woke up to my hand in my pants and my cat crawling all over me
I was so high last night that at one point I kept licking his neck saying he tasted like soap and truffles.
Randomize
