Christians are straight up FREAKS
What wine goes with Cap'n Crunch?
He has some good qualities. Beneath the layers of asshole and fat.
She made me add her as a friend on fb before she got into my bed... I sense a stalker
How does me getting a new dildo make you crave olive garden
she gave me her number. found out it was already stored in my phone as "bathroom blowjob"
This year I'm going to try NOT getting arrested. I think the 30th birthday is the cutoff for calling Mom to bail me out.
Just woke up with an eye that wont open, a half eaten piece of pizza on my chest and a raging boner.
All I remember is passing out with an umbrella over my head and waking up screaming bad luck for seven years
I'm drinking nothing but vodka and coffee for the next 48 hours. For science.
VAL. THIS MOTHERFUCKER IS LAYING IN MY BED WEARING A CAT SHIRT, VAL. COME SAVE ME, VAL.
You were talking to yourself and eating cold cuts in the kitchen when I found you
I'm declaring this weekend Captain Morgan weekend
You declare every weekend Captain Morgan weekend...
You just don't understand... :'(
That sounds good. I'd totally blow you somewhere quick but im not in the frame of mind to think of a place
Be outside in 5
I’m good. I learned that a guy ate the mushrooms that were growing out of his toilet, so there’s that.
Randomize
